Santa’s Stereo

Ladies and Gentlemen. I must warn you, I’ve been drinking. That may mean that I slur from time to time or use questionable grammar. I hope to edit this in the morning but if I don’t, this is your trigger warning. There came time I was supposed to stop believing in Santa Claus because that’s […] Read more

Fun On The Cheap: Paper + Pen + Cat + Camera

Oh for cryin’ out loud, it’s another cat article. I can’t help it. If the Dog Whisperer can have a weekly television show about calmly convincing dogs to stop pooping in their humans’ shoes, I ought to be able to write a cat article every few months. A few weeks ago, I read a Kotaku […] Read more

Kid tested… Teenager Approved

One of my favorite things to do is play with cake. Play with flavors, textures, frosting, fillings, you name it, I want to play with it. For me, my kitchen is my toy. It is the ultimate playground. My children have also picked up on my love of the kitchen and now want a little […] Read more

How many oceans are there? WRONG!

My twins came home today proud of their performance on a test of continents and oceans. They said they got all seven continents and five oceans correct. “Four oceans,” I said possessing a college degree. “No, Daddy. Five oceans.” They said being seven-year-old. “The Atlantic Ocean. The Pacific Ocean. The Indian Ocean. The Arctic Ocean […] Read more

A Good Old-Fashioned Christmas Rant

Pffft. Kids today, with their laser monsters and their Minecraft boxes and their Real Housewives dolls with interchangeable martini hands and f-bomb voice boxes, am I right? I walked into a Toys “R” Us last week, just for kicks, and you know what I found? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that look like they’ve been injecting […] Read more

Hanukkah Bush

Dad never let us have a Tree. It’s not that he was religious. We didn’t go to temple or anything like that. I think it was his way of keeping us close to our roots. Even though we knew what the answer would be, every year my sister and I would continue to ask for […] Read more

Tech Toys 2014

If you’re still trying to think of a cool Christmas gift for the little techie on your shopping list, here are a few suggestions:           LittleBits I remember spending countless hours with my “160 in one” electronic circuit kit from Radio Shack. Thankfully, these kinds of kits have become less about […] Read more

TOYS! Wonder Woman Shield

What happened was, a few months ago my daughter’s little friend across the street got some Ninja Turtle stuff for his birthday. Among other gear, he received two foam swords and some masks. When Spawn went over to play, she was handed a sword and a mask and told to get ready. Within a few […] Read more

Cyber Monday Is Now Officially Dumb

Man, I loved me some Cyber Monday deals back in 2007. Since then? Meh. There are definitely deals to be had on this newly christened holiday… just like the online deals the day before… and the week before… and the month before. Sorry Cyber Monday, you are no longer cool and here are a few […] Read more

A Week Ago In A Galaxy One, One State Away…

If you are nerd-type person, then there is an excellent chance you have a collection of a lot of stuff from a favorite thing, like a comic or a video game or a movie series. If it is a massive collection of sports memorabilia, you might actually be a jock-type person, but who am I […] Read more

Tater Cakes

So the holiday is over, the family has all left town, your house is a mess, and you are now stuck with a ton of leftover Thanksgiving food. I know you’ve probably eaten enough turkey sandwiches to make you puke, so today I am not here to give you new turkey ideas… turkey enchilada’s… just saying, […] Read more

An Especially Dumb Cyber Monday

Welcome, Cyber Monday shoppers! We’ve got an incredible deal for you here at Dumb White Husband. Sure, we have books for sale, and that’s all well and good. But just in time for the holiday season, we also have the toy of 2014! You won’t find it on store shelves, but don’t worry! We’re holding […] Read more

Santapocalypse: aka The Santa Talk

My son lost a tooth the other day and I am an amazing tooth fairy. When I remember. The point is, I forgot. But this opened up a decent opportunity to have the Santa talk with him. My son is ten and better than any other kid in every other way. It is only due […] Read more

Gadgets For The Apocalypse

Just because you went out and bought a generator and restocked your pantry doesn’t mean you’re ready for the apocalypse to hit – there are still a few more things to think about if you’re going to survive.             What’s the biggest one? WATER You know that humans can’t survive […] Read more

The Appliance Apocalypse

We speak in jest about the day that the machines will rise up and kill us, enslave us, or whatever. It’s been the subject of two decent Swarzenegger movies and one great Estevez film. We laugh and buy our tickets and our popcorn and, later, go to bed thinking how crazy that is. The machines […] Read more

Thanksgivocalypse or Apocagivinglypse or something like that

Totally (un)Factual Menu Choices for the (sub)Greatest Family Holiday Get Together (N)EVER! *Names have not been changed to protect anybody since none of this crap is real APPETIZERS   Great Aunt Eliza’s Sweet BBQ Meatballs: Can’t serve these because George’s girlfriend Betsy is allergic to Paprika. If you leave out the Paprika everyone’s going to […] Read more

Free Thanksgiving Story

Shit. It’s here already. My parents used to complain about the year just flying and now I’m beginning to see what they’re talking about. Anyway, as we scramble to find a turkey, we’d like you to enjoy this free short story about an ass kicking pilgrim that wanders the new world with bad ass Croatan fighting flesh […] Read more

The Gentlemen’s Guide To The Apocalypse: Safehouses

Deep down no one really hopes for or wishes the apocalypse to happen on their watch. The simple truth is that it will happen to 8 billion or so people when they least expect it. And they’re so gonna wish they read Dumb Whit Husband in November. To reward your faithful readership, I am prepared […] Read more

Black Friday Has Changed

If there is any contemporary event the most closely resembles the apocalypse it’s Black Friday or some horrific disaster that I’m belittling by making that joke. Though he’s hung up his one armed leather jacket, Jim was once the Mad Max of Black Friday. Here he relives one of his greatest moves.   -ben   […] Read more

Pantry of the Apocalypse… Part 2

Welcome back to our apocalyptic pantry discussion. Last time, we discussed how to approach the idea of food storage and what needs to be done before you even consider purchasing food. This week we are going to dive into the nitty gritty. How do you purchase the food needed and just where in the heck […] Read more

An excerpt from Apocalypticon

An excerpt from Apocalypticon, a post-apocalyptic buddy comedy road trip horror adventure by Clayton Smith   The soup was easily the best thing Ben had ever tasted; carrots, celery, onions, kale, white beans, basil, and thyme, seasoned with healthy amounts of pepper and unhealthy amounts of salt. The flavors danced together in a symphony of […] Read more

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