A few weeks ago – on Sunday, December 29th, at precisely 8:00 pm, a moment that will live in darkness in my heart for a very long time—my internet connection went out. Turns out there was a little billing snafu at the cable company and the plug had been pulled by the ruthless robots who govern such things.

But enough about their accounting department.

We wrangled a bit with actual human beings the next morning as soon as there was someone to pick up the phone.

I remember it distinctly because it was the LONGEST TWELVE HOURS OF MY LIFE.

Biology has blocked my capabilities and duct work from being able to give birth, so instead of labor stories, I have this.

After the initial “we’re no better than the animals now!” shock wore off, and my kids came stumbling out of their rooms, we dried each other’s tears, promised we’d never forget how cool the internet was (just in case the billing issue theory was wrong and it never came back on) and played a game…a non-videogame, even. We rolled dice with little symbols instead of dots and made up stories to go along with them (it’s an actual thing you can get at Target…make sure you pay cash, though.) It wasn’t as hardscrabble as we thought it would be, and every story did end up having some form of poop and aliens in it. Cool, right?

Although that would have been true for the internet as well…

I know these types of disconnections from All Things Digital can happen voluntarily, too. But we’re so wired to be wired now, it hardly ever occurs to us that there was life before the web, even though we know there was. 

They call it “television.”

Apparently, it still exists.

But somehow, we forgot about that too, and just spent time together, having fun. With dice. And no pixels. It was really quite wonderful. We all decided we should do it more often.

Then we laughed our asses off and went to bed.

And when the same thing happened a week later—almost to the minute—we were ready for it. The connection hadn’t been broken for more than a few seconds before I heard little voices beckoning from the other rooms.

“Did your wi-fi just cut off too?”

“What happened to the internet?”

“I think they cancelled YouTube…”

Luckily this time, it was just the router. I was able to zoom down to the local Big Box Retailer and replace that sucker for only ninety-seven dollars. A bargain at twice the price, if it keeps my family happy and swimming in internet. A little entry-level techno-dazzle on my part (and really, all I have is a little) and we were back on line in ninety minutes, living the wi-fi life again before anyone even thought to feel out the Yahtzee potential in the situation.

We Lunas. We’re so 21stcentury.
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