Why you don’t get a hobby.

“Why don’t you get a hobby?”

Ah, how many sitcoms plots have launched with those words set as a countdown? Because you’ll get trapped in an ice fishing shed. Because you’ll get trapped in a submarine built in the basement shower. That’s why you don’t get a hobby.

Maybe your wife has asked you the same question as she saw you sitting comfortably on the coach watching the highlights from the week’s highlight reels. Maybe she doesn’t realize that sitting was indeed the world’s first hobby. Sitting is a luxury that ancient man could not afford and we honor them with our appreciation of sedentary ways.

But, if that’s not enough, we now have this.

Colin Furze has a hobby. He builds things. Pretty awesome things actually. Retractable Wolverine claws. Magnetic boots that allows him to walk upside down. And now there’s this the world’s largest fart machine.

If the trigger isn’t a large finger I’m calling it a missed opportunity. 

He’s built it and now he’s going to put it on the cliffs of Dover behind a giant ass and aim it at France. Why France? For one he’s British and also because screw France. If there’s any nation that deserves the world’s largest fart blown their way I don’t think there would be much discussion at the UN. Everyone would say France and France would just sheepishly nod.

If all goes well the trans-channel fart should have already occurred and France has no doubt surrendered. Watch it here.

My point is this. This fart cannon is the everest of hobbies. Hobbies have just been taken off the board. Nothing can even compare to this. Why even try?

“Why don’t you build a model?”

“Fart cannon.”

“Maybe you could restore an old car.”

“Fart cannon.”

“We could start walking every evening.”

“Fart cannon.”

What hobby could even hold a candle to this? And wouldn’t holding a candle to it be extremely dangerous? It’s best to just sit.

Read Ben’s latest comedy Dystopia Inc. #1: The War Room today.

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