Why We’re Wrong Wednesday: New Toys
Every year, there will be a big push on the latest piece of domestic gadgetry that you desperately need. Even though you never wasted a nanosecond of your life thinking about owning one before, you’re gonna have to get one. What’ll it be? A pressure washer? A leaf blower? A ladder that folds into umpteen configurations? Whatever it is, there are certain rules that will be true:
1. If your neighbour gets one before you, you’ll be crushed
2. It would never occur to you to borrow the neighbour’s. You must have your own.
3. You will use it feverishly during the first weekend of ownership.
4. After the first weekend, you will leave it in the garage where you will fall over it regularly.
There’s another inescapable truth. Let’s say the gadget in question is a pressure washer. You’ve washed the wheel trims on your car. What next? You cast around for something that needs pressure-washing. The patio! Half an hour later, and 6 out of the 200 patio flags are terrifyingly clean. There is no longer any mortar around the joints, but they are clean. You perform some quick mental arithmetic to work out the time it will take to do the rest and consider rubbing dirt back into the ones you just cleaned…
The truth is there before you – the right tool for cleaning the patio is actually a broom, but you would never, ever admit that.
It looks as though a favourite this year is the window vacuum. Yes, really. Do you need me to make a list of reasons why you should not consider buying one, or is it too late already? If you bought one, and you’re wondering what to do next with it, just pop round to my house and clean my windows, will you?
You’re right, Heide. We’re wrong. But, if I’ve got my hands on a pressure washer that can obliterate mortar, I don’t want to be right.
Heide Goody is one of the authors of Clovenhoof. Check it out.