Why We’re Wrong Wednesday: Accuracy

For today’s Why We’re Wrong Wednesday, Danielle let’s us know that we’re a little off target. 

Let me paint a picture for you.

It is 3 am and suddenly I am struck with the urge to use the bathroom. I really don’t want to get out of my nice warm bed and give up the wonderful dream that I’m having, but I know it is either get up now or fight my children for the bathroom in the morning. And for the record, when you are fighting for the bathroom with 5 boys, plus a husband, you are lucky to get into the bathroom within an hour after waking. And I have a teacher’s bladder, but come on, there is only so much a girl can take.

But I digress, so I make the decision, it is now or never.
I throw the covers back and am immediately accosted by the cold that has seized my house and make the long shuffle to the bathroom. You know the shuffle I am talking about. The shuffle we all do when we are awoken in the middle of the night, where we move more like the night of the living dead than actual people. So, I shuffle into the bathroom, and knowing the layout of the bathroom as I do, I don’t even bother to turn on the light.

I make it to my destination only to find myself in a waking nightmare. Where my bum should be dry, it is now wet. And immediately I think, the kids have pissed on the toilet again! I am now no longer asleep, as my frustration and anger over a simple matter mounts. There is nothing I hate more than sitting on a wet toilet seat. I mean come on, would you? Yeah, didn’t think so. At this point I am ready to yell through the house, but knowing how dumb that would be, I bite my tongue, clean up and go back to bed, determined to lay into the “men” of my household in the morning.

So, it is with that little story that I lead into the topic of why you gentleman are wrong—you have little to no aim in the bathroom!

I pose this question to all men and boys alike, how hard is it to pee in a big hole? I mean really how can you miss that thing? I can’t even count the number of times I have gone to the bathroom to find my toilet seat completely covered in pee from one of my boys, and it is not just the toilet seat, it is the wall, the floor, their pants, shoes, do I need to go on?

 I swear it is like boys go into the bathroom, pull down their pants and just let their pee fly! It is like the ultimate way to mark your territory. One boy goes in and marks the side of the toilet, another walks in thinking they are going to do the same thing, but realizing that another boy already marked it decides to remark it, plus add their own mark by peeing on the back of the toilet seat and the wall. I think my boys are lucky if any pee actually ends up in the toilet!

And it is for this reason that I refuse to clean the toilet, or the floor around the toilet. I don’t pee on the floor, walls, and toilet and so on. I shouldn’t have to check to make sure the toilet seat is dry before I use the bathroom, it already should be!

Most women have the problem of having to put the seat down, oh no, I don’t have that problem, my boys never even lift it up! And when they do it just gives them something else to aim for!

Now I will say that men, have better aim than children and teenagers, but don’t get too excited, I said better, not perfect! But seriously, men please teach your boys to aim properly, as well as put down the seat. Trust me this will not only save your wife some sanity, but will save you all many lectures that you don’t listen to anyway!

-Danielle

Danielle, aka Yell, is a mother of 5 boys, a devourer of books, food enthusiast and culinary creator who blogs it all at Consuming Worlds. Please check out her blog and leave her lots of awesome comments here. 

You’re right, Danielle. We were wrong. But, in our defense, it’s not like there’s a laser site on the thing. It’s … well, you’ve got 5 kids. You know how it works.
-dwhben


As guys, we’re always wrong. Whether it’s a fascination we hold, a movie we like or a habit we’ve fallen into, we’re just plain wrong. And we need someone to tell us. That someone is you. Tell us why we’re wrong and we’ll post it here for the world to see. 

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  • reply Scarydad ,

    Sometimes a guy’s urge to go will finally overcome the urge to sleep and we will do the zombie shuffle in the middle of the night too.

    And sometimes you set up for what should be an accurate shot but when you let go it comes out sideways and hits the wall to the left. You wake up a bit, check to make sure you’re in the right room, adjust, then try again. This time it goes wide and to the right and you realize you’re hitting the trash can. You stop again, wake up a little bit more, then finally urge combined with sleepiness compels you to just strafe the area and find your target by sound.

    At this point you sort of promise yourself that you’ll just clean it up in the morning because what kind of maniac would clean the bathroom at 4 AM?

    You shuffle back to bed and fall back into peaceful dreams of jetpacks and hovercrafts.

    When you wake up, you don’t even remember having gotten up in the middle of the night at all. All your memory registers is a strange dream in which you were blindly mowing down Nazis with a fire hose/machine gun that wouldn’t shoot straight for some reason.

    • reply Danielle Young ,

      I love your version of the middle of the night zombie shuffle! And if it were this reason that my children consistantly pee on the floor I could totally forgive them, but when my boys do it they are 100% awake! Unless they are zombie shuffling through life. Which I guess is a total possibility! ;)

      Thanks for the insight!

      • reply Danielle Young ,

        I love your version of the middle of the night zombie shuffle! And if it were this reason that my children consistantly pee on the floor I could totally forgive them, but when my boys do it they are 100% awake! Unless they are zombie shuffling through life. Which I guess is a total possibility! ;)

        Thanks for the insight!

      • reply Scarydad ,

        Sometimes a guy’s urge to go will finally overcome the urge to sleep and we will do the zombie shuffle in the middle of the night too.

        And sometimes you set up for what should be an accurate shot but when you let go it comes out sideways and hits the wall to the left. You wake up a bit, check to make sure you’re in the right room, adjust, then try again. This time it goes wide and to the right and you realize you’re hitting the trash can. You stop again, wake up a little bit more, then finally urge combined with sleepiness compels you to just strafe the area and find your target by sound.

        At this point you sort of promise yourself that you’ll just clean it up in the morning because what kind of maniac would clean the bathroom at 4 AM?

        You shuffle back to bed and fall back into peaceful dreams of jetpacks and hovercrafts.

        When you wake up, you don’t even remember having gotten up in the middle of the night at all. All your memory registers is a strange dream in which you were blindly mowing down Nazis with a fire hose/machine gun that wouldn’t shoot straight for some reason.

        • reply Danielle Young ,

          I forgot to mention, that one time my 5 year old did the zombie shuffle and ended up in the kitchen and totally peed on my trash can! It was the funniest thing ever!! He never even woke up! He was a total zombie all the way! That I can excuse! ;)

          • reply Danielle Young ,

            I forgot to mention, that one time my 5 year old did the zombie shuffle and ended up in the kitchen and totally peed on my trash can! It was the funniest thing ever!! He never even woke up! He was a total zombie all the way! That I can excuse! ;)

            • reply Dave Coward ,

              I’m a little late to this, but someone has to address the elephant in the room:

              Danielle, how is it possible that you haven’t trained your men to raise the toilet seat? That was instilled in me at a very young age, stayed with me through two marriages and, now that I’m single again, is so ingrained that I still raise the seat before I pee and lower it after.

              So now if I ever encounter moisture on the seat, I know that the cat has been playing in the toilet.

              • reply Dave Coward ,

                I’m a little late to this, but someone has to address the elephant in the room:

                Danielle, how is it possible that you haven’t trained your men to raise the toilet seat? That was instilled in me at a very young age, stayed with me through two marriages and, now that I’m single again, is so ingrained that I still raise the seat before I pee and lower it after.

                So now if I ever encounter moisture on the seat, I know that the cat has been playing in the toilet.

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