Today is Thursday July 27th. For you, 12:00 PM (EST) will either mean “aw yeah, lunch time! Where’s my sammich and Little Debbie?” or “USA! USA! USA!

Our country seems to have finally tipped from flirting with soccer to potentially, maybe, I dunno – possibly having a one-night stand with the game. That or “we the people” just love a good bandwagon to jump on, especially if it gives us a conceivable reason to drink just one more beer and skip out on work. You know, for ‘Merica!


Besides patriotics, I have wondered why the biggest sport in the world for whatever reason just hasn’t caught wildfire here in the States? It is literally the single most passionately followed sport for 6 billion people on Earth, but the U.S. just kind of gives it a “meh.” To use an analogy, soccer is like the metric system. The entire rest of the world uses it, but America is all like, “Meters-what? Kilo-who?”

It would be one thing if soccer was a sport like cricket, a sport NOBODY plays in our country, but if there is one sport 99.9% of kids have at least played one season of as a kid it’s soccer. Heck, I played for 7 years and loved it, but have I ever watched an MLS game? Negative.

Btw, “MLS” sounds like a medical syndrome.

What’s just as baffling is that our country, which pretty much dominates all other sports at any given time, hasn’t produced a single superstar soccer player. We at least had Greg Lemond (sorry Lance) for cycling for crying out loud.

Yes, kids all over the world play pick up soccer almost at birth where our kids diversify across numerous sports. Yes, they’ve been playing in formal leagues longer than our MLB has been around. And perhaps their feet are just better, BUT, I think it comes down to money.

Kids who aspire to be a pro athlete love to play, but they see the ridiculous riches that also come your way. And that kind of money goes to the big international league players, but the league minimum for an MLS player in the states is… $38k. (womp-wha). Not exactly a Hoop Dream.

If takes money to get kids to pick soccer over, say baseball, it’s going to take 4-5 more World Cups like this one to really shift Americans from flirting with soccer to hardcore making out.

And just so we’re clear the only “football” we play here in this country uses yards, not meters. (EAGLE SCREECH! FIREWORKS EXPLOSION! EATING A HOT DOG WITH ONE HAND AND APPLE PIE IN THE OTHER!!)

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  • reply Anonymous ,

    We have the metric system here. Nearly everything these days is metric anyway. The only difference between us and the other countries is that we don’t have a federal law that makes us use it. Which, considering all the other crazy laws, federal and otherwise, that we’ve just rolled with, is actually sort of amazing.

    But the main reason soccer is boring *ahem* not followed by Americans is that it’s boring.

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