Pitching A New Bond Villain

I cut my teeth on the movies of the 80’s. The glorious heyday for sci-fi, whimsical comedies about growing up, and the oiled-pec action movies where everyone is constantly trying to “GETTOTHECHOPPA!” There was one tangential genre that always captured my imagination – the James Bond films.

They had action, but weren’t an “action movie” and they had far-fetched gadgets, plots and villains that were closer to “sci-fi” than reality. The characters were so bizarre that depictions in Austin Powers actually didn’t seem like too much of a stretch.

So if you allow me to indulge a bit, I would like to pitch you the plot and bad guy for a new James Bond movie. (shakes out fingers, takes deep breaths).

Every good villain needs some kind of a backstory, so let’s make him have deep ties to an old-school empire like Russia before it was the Soviet Union.

All guys back then joined the Russian military, so he of course did that for a bit, but to be a villain you have to be smart and cunning. Naturally since he is Russian that means he was a spy for the KGB.

Our villain now knows all the tricks of the trade, but recognizes the real power these days are in politics. The political route is virgin territory for Bond villains, but that’s what will make this guy SUCH a good villain – no one expects the guy shaking hands and kissing babies for votes to be a maniacal overlord.

This guy plays the part so good, he’ll even become the President of Russia. And he is so hardcore Russian that he rides shirtless on horses, takes trips in futuristic mini-submarines, and hunts bears in Siberia. I wish I knew the Russian word for “baller.”

The down in the dumps people in Russia love his swagger so much that they reelect him. And they love him so much, in fact, that even after another guy is President, they elect our bad guy AGAIN!

Behind closed doors though, our villain has been super busy. He’s brokered deals so the country owns tons of utilities, ones that even supplying neighboring countries, and he’s been building up the military like its his own private army. Even selling weapons to other villains and bad guys.

But on the outside, he’s making Mother Russia a queen again! Bringing elite world events to his country, wooing the right people, eliminating the wrong people. This guy is so smooth. And he never has to crack a smile.

Eventually though, the bad guy has to pull back the curtain for the world to see that he holds all the cards and for them to bow down to his villainy.

The “good news” is that I’m done with my pitch, but technically it is still a work in progress. Because, of the “bad news,” I just described Vladimir Putin.

I genuinely hope the UK has already deployed 007 to neutralize the threat, and he’s just biding his time to strike in between rounds of hot ladies and cool martinis.

Sleep tight everyone!

UPDATE: A modern villain must also be social media savvy. This was posted today from his secret lair. 

Spread dumbShare on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0Share on LinkedIn0Share on Tumblr0Share on StumbleUpon0Print this pageShare on Reddit0Email this to someone

Leave a comment