My Beef with Coffee

The Grind
It’s difficult to imagine a time in history before the cultivation of the mighty coffee bean. It was most likely bleak and everyone was cranky. Thankfully, we live in a civilized time where our biggest problem is choosing our favorite bean and brew that gets us through our day. Doing this through bleary eyes is a challenge but Jason is up to it.

STEAK.


If I and just about every other DWH I know had it our way, we would eat steak with every meal. After all, nothing beats the abject savoriness behind such a delicious slice of dead cow. And I’m pretty sure Guy Without A Shirt would agree that it is an excellent source of protein (he might also add red meat should be eaten sparingly, and probably bring up something about portion control in general, so it’s best to stick with Yes/No questions.) My personal favorite cut really depends on my mood, but for the sake of this article we’re going to go with the trusty old T-bone. For me, it’s cooked just a smidgeon below medium rare, simply because pink happens to be my favorite food. Don’t believe me? Ask any bepimpled teen working the counter at a number of DFW Baskin-Robbins who were reticently forced to tell me they can’t make a pink bubblegum milkshake because the frozen gum pieces will break the blender, only to hear, “Oh, I think Mr. Jackson here would disagree with you,” while a $20 wafts in front of their eyes.

And to be honest, I couldn’t tell you which restaurant in town serves the best steak. Because compared to the magic I can make in my wood-fired grill out back, they all suck. Now, we’ve been at this for quite a while, Dear Reader, so I’ve decided to let you in on a little secret as to why my steaks taste so much better than the overpriced crap you’ll get at a five-star restaurant: I buy some fried garlic from this Asian market by my house and add it to a simple rub of seasoned salt and lemon pepper. Then I take a potato masher and press the rub into the unscored meat (some people might suggest scoring the meat first, but screw them; they didn’t put in on this!) It’s as simple as that. The wife loves it, the boy loves it –and this kid won’t eat any meat unless it’s bacon- and the baby stares at us enjoying our dinner while blowing spit bubbles in her Bumbo.

And that’s how I like my steak. No exceptions.

Except the other day I was intrigued by an article I ran across on Pinterest. That’s right, kids; ol’ Jason is a big fan of the site. Where else would I put my favorite waffle iron recipes and pickling tips? Under my “Everyday I’m Wafflin” and “Pickling and Grinning” pages, that’s where. Anyway, one day I was casually perusing the site (for several hours,) when I ran across a recipe that called for a coffee-rubbed steak. “Well damn,” I thought, “I’d heard of using coffee for desserts, but it never occurred to me to use it as a seasoning.” I imagine you should know by now, assuming you’ve read ANY of my articles, that this notion then began to consume me. Well, the wife and kiddos happened to be visiting some relatives one fair evening, and I decided this would be an ideal time to satisfy this acidic curiosity. So I took just some plain old dark-roasted beans, ground them up at the espresso setting, and added them to my already tried-and-true mix along with some paprika and just the right amount of cayenne.

I put the rub on the meat. I put the meat on the grill.

And it. Was. FANTASTIC.

Of course I tasted the coffee in there, but I would swear if someone wasn’t a drinker they wouldn’t even notice. What they would get is a deep, almost earthy, and very MANLY flavor. I would actually recommend you only rub one side of the steak with the coffee rub, as it runs the risk of being somewhat overpowering to the meat itself, which defeats the purpose. But the rub itself keeps for a couple weeks, and the taste is so unique you’ll likely find yourself craving it again, so you’ll have plenty of time to get the picky eaters out of the house for another enchanted evening full of coffee steak, craft beer, and Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.

Enjoy. And you’re welcome.



In an effort to make the world less dumb, we are now giving away free books. Check out this page and read, or be stupid. 

Spread dumbShare on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0Share on LinkedIn0Share on Tumblr0Share on StumbleUpon0Print this pageShare on Reddit0Email this to someone
  • reply Benjamin Wallace ,

    To the guy that keeps trying to post the tossed salad comment, be more clever.

    Leave a comment