Hello there all you happy and healthy people. I’m coming at you live from the plague pit, as the family and I are all taking turns using up all the medicine. Ugh. Two sick kids and a sick wife. I managed to hold the line for a whole day, then this evening I fell too. Now I’m sitting on the sofa waiting around to die.
While I wait, though, I thought I’d give you some tips on giving gifts to your mom. Or to your kids’ mom. Or someone else’s mom if that’s your thing. I’m not here to judge. Besides, that’s sweet and I’m sure she’d appreciate the gesture. So let’s get started.
The first person on my gift list is my mom. Now, I’ve been around a while and so Mom has been the recipient of every dollar store, allowance-bought trinket imaginable as well as construction paper cards and macaroni necklaces galore. I also have two sisters so the pasta jewelry actually has its own box hidden somewhere in her room. I was actually working on this badass woven spaghetti choker when it occurred to me that I no longer need to do this. I have kids! Kids do things that are cute and memorable. And, one of my mom’s favorite things is when I give her pictures of the kids!!!
This is really very cool because my kids are perennially cute. Now wait, I realize that Mom can see all the pictures I post on social media pages, but here’s the secret: I choose a few images and put them on a special drive just for mom! It’s like exclusive, unreleased material, and she loves it. It makes her much happier than a Mylar balloon or a Hallmark haiku. And it makes me happy too because, you know, I love my mom.
Next on my list is my longsuffering Bride. She who sits in exasperation when Spawn rips one in the quiet restaurant and I bust out laughing because toots are funny. She who just shakes her head when I tell the little one she can be anything she wants when she grows up and she says she wants to be Princess Man-Pig. She who passes her phone off to corporate higher-ups to show off her new baby and instead receives a text message from me suggesting something, ahem, unprofessional.
Whatever I get Bride has to be awesome because she’s awesome and she puts up with a lot. And she’s not so interested in pictures of the kids because she sees them all the time. Got to be a bit more creative than that. Enter our trusted old pal Internet.
It’s not that my wife is hard to shop for, it’s that so many stores simply don’t carry the kind of stuff she likes. She likes unique, earthy, and somewhat unrefined stuff when it comes to jewelry. She likes artisan, crafty, and homemade. Or, it can be very ornate, it just has to be original. This is where www.etsy.com comes in. This site is like a 24/7 craft show. It’s pretty sweet, if you’re into that sort of thing. I happen to be into that sort of thing, so for me, this place is like a giant idea generator.
Then I had an epiphany: Some of this stuff I can’t make for one reason or another. Some I can make but the craftsperson on the site is better at it than me. So, I created a folder in my Gmail. When Bride happens upon something she likes, she emails it to me. Then, when a holiday is looming, I simply open the folder and find a whole giant list of things she wants!!!
So now, armed with a list, it’s time to decide whether to make or to buy.
So, that’s about it for me today. Thank you for taking my mind off being sick for a while. I’m going to go lie down under the bed now. Goodnight.