Kenya Peaberry Blues

For the record, I’m a little peeved at myself for not suggesting my column be called Caffeinated Tangents BEFORE we came up with the stupid name… The Grind. Really, Jason?

Anyhow, I met the Head-Dumb-White-Husband-In-Charge (heretofore known as the HDWHIC) Benjamin Tiberius Wallace back in college. And I imagine he discovered I had a knack for making folks wet themselves laughing back when I attended the rehearsal dinner at his wedding. Through no fault of the free alcohol provided at all, I decided a speech was in order, and commenced expounding congratulations to Ben for managing to finally settle his wife down, as she “changed boyfriends in college more often than I changed underwear.” 

FUN FACT: That was actually a compliment, as I didn’t wear underwear at the time.

So naturally when he needed hilarious content for his really sweet website, he came to yours truly. That’s right. ME.

And as humble and gracious as I was about the offer, I had just one little problem: I couldn’t think of a damn thing to write about. I mean, look at the columnists he’s got on this site! They took all the BEST TOPICS!!!! What, we can’t have MORE than one guy with an innate knowledge of getting really good and drunk? And Ben, I’d like to be more awesome and in better shape, too. But you and Chris Bohlin had to go and screw that up for me, didn’t you?

Just kidding; I’m not really trying all that.

Needless to say, I felt oddly paralyzed about my inability to come up with my ‘niche,’ for lack of a better, more English term. Then one day –this morning, to be exact–I posted a comment on Facebook about my purchase of some Kenya Peaberry from Addison Coffee Roasters. I suggested the gourmet coffee that Quentin Tarantino’s character served Jules and Travolta in Pulp Fiction and they were so gaga over might have very well been this delicious java. And that’s when I realized something: I actually DO have quite a burgeoning passion for good coffee. I shouldn’t ever be regarded as an expert in the field, as I really only started drinking it regularly about 3 years ago. But within that time I learned quickly that coffee should be something to ENJOY while waking up to drink, especially for us reluctant early birds who want to jog shirtless around our neighborhood while it’s still dark outside, lest we induce a waking nightmare upon the local populace with our bloated nipples and pallid winter complexion.

So here it is: my column that gives an impression that I’m the guy with the stranglehold on the DWH Coffee topic. Which I’m not, you should know. I’m merely an emissary recounting my own nascent trials and adventures through the Flavorful Coffee Spectrum.

By the way, the Kenya Peaberry doesn’t taste like peas or berries (like we actually thought it would, right? *cough*) What it DOES taste like is a bold roasted bean with a nicely even mouthfeel, which helps surprise you for that gloriously loooong aftertaste.

So far? It’s my favorite joe, fo sho.

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