Googling “How to Be a Man” is Wrong



Dear husbands,
Maybe you should try to not Google “how to be a man” or any other equivalent that would be considered a rite of passage into manhood.

That statement now brings me to a furry animal (because it wouldn’t be the internet without a furry animal).
My husband was recently faced with a problem that I didn’t think needed to be Googled — or “Binged,” if you are THAT dude — but he Googled and now I’m writing about it because DIY cavemen-type real men (like the yummy Old Spice guy) shouldn’t Google simple rite-of-passage tasks. Nevertheless, I came home from work recently and witnessed a situation that caused my eyebrows to assume the hard-to-unfurl-and-confused location on my forehead.
That day, there was a 4-ft. tall fence that had been erected in my backyard. I couldn’t tell what was inside the fence from the house, but I could tell that the fence was a diameter of about 2 feet. Not big. After putting down my bags and finding my husband, a casual question of, “What’s with the temporary fence outside?” would turn into a few of those wrinkles on my forehead that women get Botox for.
Husband: “The fence is so the dog can’t get to the dead possum.”
*wrinkle
Me: “Why can’t you just remove the dead possum?”
Him: “Google says it might be playing possum, so I should wait four hours.”
*wrinkle
My eyebrows: Really? You Googled it?
So after four hours of the fence having been in my yard, protecting my inside dog, a terrier named Twinkie, from the ant-infested maybe-alive possum, the we-are-sure-it-is-now-dead animal was placed inside a plastic bag, inside a cardboard box, inside another plastic bag, and then placed on the side of our house away from small children so that it could await trash day (Google said to do all that, too).
And now, we are all a bit wiser about proper dead-possum etiquette.
WWLID? (What would Laura Ingalls do?) I think this a lot when it comes to dumb problems that arise from handicapping yourself with modern technology. I watched a lot of Little House on the Praire… I was homeschooled. Basically, I would like to think that the Charles Ingalls, Paul Bunyan and other flannel-wearing pioneers would have the manly decency to just intellegently “wing it” and come out a better person because of it. Part of being a man/husband/dad is figuring stuff out on your own and earning your rite-of-passage badges one patch at a time. So next time you want to cut down a tree, start a fire, change a diaper, throw a punch, chop firewood, exterminate a snake, or remove a dead, furry animal, maybe you just “be the caveman” and do it without the crutch of Google.

Disclaimer: There are certain tasks that should be researched ahead of time — nobody needs to die to prove a point to Google — like using a chainsaw, frying a turkey or lighting some fireworks.
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