With spring in the air this January (as it is in Arizona about 85% of the year), the Luna household decided to collect up all the superfluous accumulations and hold that age-old waste of time we call a garage “sale.” 

Notice the quotes are only around the word sale. That’s because there was indeed a garage involved…but there was nary a sale to be found. On the upside: My mother-in-law brought donuts…and left the extras. I haven’t thanked her enough for that.

It ended up feeling more like we were babysitting our crap on the driveway, showing the surrounding community just how poorly-advised our purchasing habits can be, along with those of a few family members plus a neighbor or two. We were even kind of leery of people trying to steal some, though halfway through I realized what a problem-solver a phenomenon like that would have been.

Our offerings this time were odd and meager and sundry. We had several box-style televisions, like we’re cavemen still hanging onto the Analog 90s. Apparently you can’t even give those away anymore. People pointed and laughed. I swear I overheard a lady ask her six year-old son, “Remember when we had one like that, Jacob-Tyler-Edward-Cumberbatch-Downey-Jr?” To which the kid replied, “I don’t even know what it is.” Guess he probably didn’t get the box computer monitor that was right next to it, either. But boy, did he love the hell out of that papasan chair sandwiched between them all. Everyone loved that thing, in fact. But did any of them buy it?

Hell. No.

And it was five lousy bucks.

Now we have to figure out how to store a giant metal circle that my kids won’t bother to sit in anymore.

We had a Casio keyboard that played nearly the whole Bee Gee catalog when you did nothing more but tickle the middle C key…or maybe it was Earth Wind and Fire. When you set music to a techno-fox trot beat, it all starts to sound like a K-Tel sing-along. So many, many people were interested in seeing what it did, but the price tag of fifty smacks (higher than list price, I’m pretty sure) gave them Buyer’s Shrinkage right in the ol’ coinpurse. Someone finally took it for thirty, but I think she probably could have just hired the last remaining Bee Gee and at least Earth and Wind to play live for her for another ten. Some people don’t know how to shop.

Among all of this, we had clothes that could feed a village, pecans and citrus that could clothe an army and tools that nobody knew what to do with. We also made the mistake of leaving the garage door open, so everyone who wandered close enough could ask us if we were selling our bikes (not a chance), or a CD player from a car we sold late last year (not gonna happen) and our water heater (make me an offer, buddy). We walked away from our six hours of effort with a whopping fifty dollars. But at least we didn’t have to haul all that junk back in the house. Just to Savers, which will be well worth the trip, because someone else can figure out what to do with two box TVs, a box monitor and a papasan chair with hearts all over it.

Best part about the whole thing? The donuts, of course.

They always are.
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