For me the general satirical theme of Dumb White Husband is that, in general, dads are oafs that just can’t seem to get things right. Society’s last punching bag to make fun of without any real recourse. It’s to the point where Father’s Day doesn’t even get its own sales event – “Celebrate Dads and Grads!!”
While Mother’s Day is an all-day celebration showing reverence to Mom through flowers, deeds, brunch, gifts, breakfast in bed, etc. And it should, moms are great. But Father’s Day for most is an obligatory card, double-pat hug and people go on their merry way.
And that bums me out, because there are a buttload of Dads that are great, sacrificial providers that balance out all of the wonderful things that Mom brings to the equation. Dove + Men released a video this week that was a classy, appreciative look at “Dads.” Please watch it, it’s wonderful.
So here is my predicament, would my perfect Father’s Day be:
1.) Constant contact with my 2 boys, playing chase, tossing water balloons, grilling burgers, tossing Frisbee, while being showered with hugs and kisses.
2.) Everyone get out of the house for 16 hours, LEAVE ME BE!!!
I don’t get a whole lot of time to myself, especially for the pure pursuit of leisure. My collection of factory wrapped video games and unopened books is exquisite. I’m like a big-game hunter who has a wall of trophies and has only read about safaris in a pamphlet. So I’d love to play and maybe even beat a game in one sitting.
I’d love to sit in a movie theater all day so my eyes can pig out on 3-4 summer blockbuster flicks.
I’d love to sit and read on a park bench without needing to stare at the jungle gym to make sure my kids aren’t about to brain themselves, or someone else.
I’d love to go to a restaurant and not be a ball of anxiety, because I no longer fear a toddler melt down if it is after naptime/he drops a crayon/he spills drink/his bib rubs his neck/(insert 20 more things). Oh, and it would only cost me $10.
Even typing some of these scenarios floods my brain with endorphins. But, and it’s a big butt, if I did any of these things I would feel like a guilty jerk. The one day that is about celebrating what a great dad I am, is spent being the worst kind of dad – the checked out kind.
My lovely wife is wanting to know what I want to do for my special day, and I honestly don’t know what my answer is going to be.
What about you? What is your idyllic version of Father’s Day? And how bad will you judge me if I choose to be a couch blob on Sunday?