An Especially Dumb Cyber Monday

lockups_4_Clayton

Welcome, Cyber Monday shoppers!

We’ve got an incredible deal for you here at Dumb White Husband. Sure, we have books for sale, and that’s all well and good. But just in time for the holiday season, we also have the toy of 2014! You won’t find it on store shelves, but don’t worry! We’re holding one just for you. Some of us here are fathers, and we understand the incredible importance of being a holiday hero.

 

 

 

That’s why we’re excited to offer an exclusive discount on the biggest toy of the year,

The Timber Baton!

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Your child will love the versatility of the Timber Baton!

Your little knight will feel like King Arthur when he uses it as a sword, and the magic wand setting will have the wizard in your house under its spell! Have a little Mozart on your hands? Your child will be conducting her own imaginary orchestra in seconds! Preparing your toddler for the NRA? The Baton makes a great gun—with both semi-automatic and automatic settings! The aspiring ninja turtle at the table will say “Cowabunga!”—the Baton transforms into all four TMNT weapon sets!*

 

The Timber Baton is 100% organic, made of untreated, locally sourced, non-GMO wood.

Each Baton is vegan, gluten-free, and humanely harvested from sustainable wood farms. It’s available in your choice of maple, oak, and whichever type of tree is growing near the side of our house. When ordering, please note whether you’d prefer a natural or weathered finish. (Allow an additional 14-16 days for weathered Batons. The weathering process only takes 48 hours, but the forecast is all over the board right now, and we’re not really sure when to expect a good, solid, beating-down rain.)

 

The Timber Baton is an infinite source of entertainment packaged into one economically responsible toy, and this holiday season, it can be yours for the low price of $18.95!

 

But wait, there’s more!

 

Order today, Cyber Monday, and we’ll throw in a second Timber Baton for just $7.95! That’s two extraordinary and organic Timber Batons for the incredible price of $26.90!**

Order within the next seventeen seconds to get your Baton in time for Christmas. Click here to order yours!

Available in the U.S. only. There are absolutely no refunds or exchanges, but if you’re unhappy with your purchase, feel free to buy another one and see if you like it any better. You might.

 

* Nunchuck mode is irreversible.

**Shipping and handling not included.


 

DWH-vs-Santa_final

Dumb White Husband vs Santa

Erik has planned the perfect Christmas for his family. The plan is foolproof, bulletproof and flame retardant. Nothing can undo the hours of planning and preparation. Nothing but odd-shaped packages, ill-timed fruitcakes and an errant neighborhood Santa Claus. Get it now and have a Merry Christmas.

 


 

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  • reply George Hilbert ,

    We would certainly both go to jail for this transaction. I cannot even bring a piece of firewood from Ohio into Kentucky. Imagine getting a Dutch Elm diseased, Asian Beetle infested stick from Texas. We are almost definitely calling for a S.W.A.T. deployment, as well as the HAZ-MAT Unit…But all is not lost. We can still buy cases of ammo from out of state, as well as “sticks” that can throw the contents downrange at about 700 rounds per minute. Christmas is saved….LOL….;-)

    • reply Clayton ,

      George, these come straight from Chicago, where we don’t believe in Dutch Elm or Asian Beetles. Just hot dogs. Your Timber Baton MAY be infested with hot dogs.

    • reply Jan ,

      Brilliant idea! I thought my Refrigerator Packing boxes for 25.50 would go over big as the gift of 2010 but alas it cost a fortune to ship them! Best of luck with the Timber Baton.

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