Welcome, Cyber Monday shoppers!
We’ve got an incredible deal for you here at Dumb White Husband. Sure, we have books for sale, and that’s all well and good. But just in time for the holiday season, we also have the toy of 2014! You won’t find it on store shelves, but don’t worry! We’re holding one just for you. Some of us here are fathers, and we understand the incredible importance of being a holiday hero.
That’s why we’re excited to offer an exclusive discount on the biggest toy of the year,
The Timber Baton!
Your child will love the versatility of the Timber Baton!
Your little knight will feel like King Arthur when he uses it as a sword, and the magic wand setting will have the wizard in your house under its spell! Have a little Mozart on your hands? Your child will be conducting her own imaginary orchestra in seconds! Preparing your toddler for the NRA? The Baton makes a great gun—with both semi-automatic and automatic settings! The aspiring ninja turtle at the table will say “Cowabunga!”—the Baton transforms into all four TMNT weapon sets!*
The Timber Baton is 100% organic, made of untreated, locally sourced, non-GMO wood.
Each Baton is vegan, gluten-free, and humanely harvested from sustainable wood farms. It’s available in your choice of maple, oak, and whichever type of tree is growing near the side of our house. When ordering, please note whether you’d prefer a natural or weathered finish. (Allow an additional 14-16 days for weathered Batons. The weathering process only takes 48 hours, but the forecast is all over the board right now, and we’re not really sure when to expect a good, solid, beating-down rain.)
The Timber Baton is an infinite source of entertainment packaged into one economically responsible toy, and this holiday season, it can be yours for the low price of $18.95!
But wait, there’s more!
Order today, Cyber Monday, and we’ll throw in a second Timber Baton for just $7.95! That’s two extraordinary and organic Timber Batons for the incredible price of $26.90!**
Order within the next seventeen seconds to get your Baton in time for Christmas. Click here to order yours!
Available in the U.S. only. There are absolutely no refunds or exchanges, but if you’re unhappy with your purchase, feel free to buy another one and see if you like it any better. You might.
* Nunchuck mode is irreversible.
**Shipping and handling not included.
Erik has planned the perfect Christmas for his family. The plan is foolproof, bulletproof and flame retardant. Nothing can undo the hours of planning and preparation. Nothing but odd-shaped packages, ill-timed fruitcakes and an errant neighborhood Santa Claus. Get it now and have a Merry Christmas.