Holiday yard art is a fine Dumb White Husband tradition and though it’s usually reserved for Halloween and Christmas, it’s just as appropriate for Easter. We checked in with Scarydad to see what his plans were. Here’s Scarydad.
So I was out in my shop trying to combine just the right amount of brilliance and spare parts into a Scarydad creation when my beautiful and ever-patient bride came out and asked me to make something for Easter instead.
At first I was at a loss.
I couldn’t figure out how skulls and witches and vampire blood had any relevance to Easter at all. In fact, I’m still trying to figure that one out. But when I thought about it real hard it occurred to me:
Easter is a time when we celebrate life and rebirth with chocolate eggs, shredded plastic, and giant human-rabbit hybrids that haunt shopping malls and frighten little kids to death, and that’s pretty sweet.
So my first response to Bride’s request was, “piece of cake.”
I mean really, how hard can it be?
As it turns out it’s pretty hard indeed.
You see, when you’re me you either set out in the beginning with a solid plan and follow it through, or you dick around on the internet looking for ideas, get sidetracked by boobs and then sort of halfway decide you don’t want to make Easter decorations anyway because look there’s boobs.
So, I had what amounted to yard-decoration writers’ block. This whole Easter thing just wasn’t me. There was no real way to do this right unless I could somehow manage to…
Wait. That’s it! I got it!
The only way I could make an Easter yard decoration worthy of Scarydad is to make the most obnoxious pastel Eastersplosion the neighborhood has ever seen. And so that’s what I did this weekend.
Thursday night after my daughter, little Spawn of Scarydad went to sleep I fired up the trusty old jigsaw.
I made the Easter Bunny and what was originally going to be a veritable army of Peeps but after only four of them my Peeps began to turn evil so I decided to call it a night.
The next morning the faces in the peeps had largely disappeared and I just sanded off the rest. Fueled by copious amounts of beer, heavy metal, and the somewhat stale Cuban cigars I had snuck back from Cancun last year, I continued to saw and paint.
At some point I had to stop and take a look around at what I had wrought.
Was it enough?
I couldn’t be sure. What I could be sure of, though, was that I had a lot of pastel crap to set around my yard. And even if it weren’t enough, I could easily do it again next year and have at least twice as much and then…
Wow, can you even imagine what this place will look like in two years?
I’ve lived here about six months.
It’s only just begun.
Scarydad spends most of his time in his garage making things and then writing about it on his blog. He likes chocolate covered bacon, old slasher movies, and throwing leftover food at pedestrians. He dislikes cats, post-Black album Metallica, and hangnails. Follow him on Twitter, Like him on Facebook, and send him emails at firstname.lastname@example.org