The Bright Side of the Apocalypse

lockups_4_Clayton

Okay, yes. The apocalypse is a horrible thing.

Cities will crumble, the seas will boil, poison gas will melt your face into unseemly puddles, and pretty much everyone you love will die. But hey, it doesn’t all have to be doom and gloom! There are a few upsides to the end of the world.

Parking – When 95% of the population gets wiped out, guess what. 95% of the parking lot opens up! (Assuming, of course, the apocalypse happens at night. If all hell breaks loose at prime shopping hours, well, that’s another story. Those cars ain’t leavin’.) Of course, in order to hoard enough gas to make a car viable, you’ll need to really commit to braining other survivors with a log at the gas pump, but it’s a small price to pay for convenience.

A Little “Me” Time - Tired of running the rat race? Problem solved! Money is worthless, so forget about clocking in to that 9-to-5. (Your manager’s dead anyway.) The only race you’ll have to run now is the one to food. And to shelter. And away from roving bands of maniacs.

Vegetables - You don’t have to eat them anymore! In fact, it’s probably best you don’t eat them anymore. The soil they’re growing in is probably irradiated now, which might account for that third arm you’ve started growing.

Jehovah’s Witnesses – Gone! No more awkward front door encounters!

Politicians – Ah, dystopia! Elections are a thing of the past, so you don’t have to worry about political ads, partisan mailings, or glad-handing liars asking for your vote. Democracy has gone by the wayside, thank goodness. Whoever’s got the best machete swing is now King of Ruin Mountain, and that’s final.

See? The apocalypse is great! Want more proof? Check out my novel, Apocalypticon, and see how much fun Doomsday can be.

Spread dumbShare on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0Share on LinkedIn0Share on Tumblr0Share on StumbleUpon0Print this pageShare on Reddit0Email this to someone

Leave a comment