Batman vs Superman vs Dumb White Husband

Batman vs Superman movie review

I’m a Marvel guy. Always have been. I read Batman quite a bit but little else from DC.

And after Dark Knight Rises and Green Lantern (never saw Man of Steel) I was convinced DC couldn’t make a good superhero movie. It wasn’t that the movies were bad (but they were) it was that DC never understood why they were bad. They said Green Lantern failed because it was funny. (No, it didn’t and no, it wasn’t). They said Dark Knight Rises was great because it made lots of money. (It did, but it wasn’t).

So when they charged headlong into a movie just to establish a shared universe franchise I was skeptical to say the least.

Then the movie came out and I didn’t hear one good thing about it. I heard everything I was expecting. We have to watch Batman’s origins again. Ben Affleck is terrible. They ruin the characters. The plot is a mess. The movie isn’t fun. And what’s with Lex Luthor? It’s terrible. It’s horrible.

So I was right.

But I’ve got kids so I had to see it anyway.

And, you know what? It’s not that bad.

Yes, we have to see Batman’s parents die again but it’s basically the opening credits and then we’re done with it.

Ben Affleck did fine and I’m really not his biggest fan. I’m actually looking forward to a standalone Batman flick with him at the helm.

Granted, the plot is a mess if you consider Luthor a part of it. But if you ignore him, it’s fine. Basically Bats and Supes have their differences and they’re going to fight. Luthor is off to the side and the movie pretends like he’s orchestrating it all. But, he’s really not, so just ignore it.

Besides, you’re there to see Superman get his ass handed to him anyway, so what does the plot really matter?

As far as “ruining the characters goes”…You can’t ruin Superman. Any changes you make will only improve him because he is the dullest character ever to begin with. His powers are whatever they need to be at the moment. Fastest, strongest, goodest blah, blah, boring, boring blah.

And Batman? The BvS version has been Batmanning for twenty years. He’s grizzled, unapologetic, and meaner than we’ve seen him. Good. I was tired of seeing naïve Batman getting played by Liam Neeson and almost losing to whatever the hell Tom Hardy was supposed to be. None of those characters would stand a chance against this version. He’s a veteran now and it shows. Which is good, because I didn’t need another first adventure from our hero again after seven movies. He’s got a real opponent now. He’s taking on frigging Superman—the comic world’s equivalent of “Nuhuh you didn’t tag me, I was on base!”—and he doesn’t even blink.

Does it have its lame moments? Oh you bet. Will you roll your eyes? A lot.

But it’s a comic book movie where two heroes fight leading to the inevitable team-up. It delivers on that and I don’t think it deserves a lot of the crap it’s getting.

My biggest gripe besides the way Jessie Eisenberg talks in EVERY DAMN MOVIE HE’S IN EVER is not confined to BvS: Turn on some fucking lights! I can’t see shit. I think the Batmobile was in movie. I think Bat’s costume was blue and grey. But I can’t be certain because they shot everything in the dark. Dark and moody yes, but let me see what’s going on at least.

Shooting movies with the lights out is a shitty trend that’s spilling over to other media. (I’m looking at you Daredevil). And it has to stop. Do dark in gritty in theme and tone and content. But leave the lights on enough for us to see what’s happening.

Batman v Superman isn’t great. It certainly isn’t Marvel good.

But it’s not nearly as bad as the rap it’s getting. And I never thought I’d say that.

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  • reply Carrie Green ,

    Sadly, I also sat through Batman vs. Superman, but was less impressed. I actually far prefer the old Christopher Reeves version of Superman–the worse one of that series is WAY better than any Superman made since. Superman was witty and romantic, back then. The current one, I agree, is dull cardboard. The reason for the trend of movies being shot in the dark is so that the CGI looks more realistic–this move was way heavy on the CGI special effects–they should have spent the money, instead, on a decent script. I have a serious problem where the main conflict in a movie could have been resolved, if the two main characters had simply talked to each other. You, know, before fighting. That’s lazy writing. Contrast to Deadpool (yes, meant for adults), but that’s a great script and a far better movie.

    • reply Ben the Editor ,

      CGI has come into the light enough to brighten things up a bit. I think it was more a creative call. And I also hate Three’s Company plots with a passion but this felt like it was built more on distrust rather than misunderstanding. And yes Dead Pool was a far better movie.

    • reply Billy ,

      I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I plan to. I did see Man of Steel and didn’t like it. I can tell from the previews that all the lights are off and that does look pretty annoying. But here’s my beef with DC superhero movies: You’re right. They don’t understand what makes these characters special. Or, to be more specific, they DO understand Batman’s appeal and they’ve been trying to replicate it with their other characters and it doesn’t work.

      The reason Superman is boring is because the writers for the past 20 years have grounded him, taken away a lot of who he was and tried to make an idealistic strong guy into a nihilistic Dark Knight. And it doesn’t work. All you need for Supes to be interesting is some sort of natural disaster or monster for him to deal with. Nobody cares about his feelings. We just want to see him fly around and kick ass. And when he lands, he needs to be friendly and confident, not pensive and tortured. He’s Apollo, not some stupid emo.

      I honestly believe that if the Warners would just stop trying to MAKE him interesting and just let him be who he always was before, which is one of the most popular, beloved, and consistently best-selling characters of all time, they’d have a better movie.

      • reply Ben the Editor ,

        I blame power creep for Supes dullness. The movies refuse to exploit his other weakness as well. It’s all kryptonite.

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