Ask a DUMB WHITE HUSBAND – REMOTE CONTROL

Which remote should I buy?
- @photograstlker

A great question with a couple of answers, depending on your needs.

If you need to have the latest and most impressive features, check out this monster http://www.logitech.com/en-us/remotes/universal-remotes/devices/4708

If you want to have functional control over all of your devices, this one will do http://www.logitech.com/en-us/remotes/universal-remotes/devices/harmony-700-advanced-universal-remote

Both of these are Harmony remotes. I’ve had a couple of versions over the years and I think they’ve gotten better and better. You plug the remote in to your computer through a USB and it syncs up. You find your A/V equipment through a drop down menu and assign them to an activity. The remote does the rest. In my experience, these are the best universal remotes out there and well worth the price.

But, I know what you want. And neither of those remotes are the answer. You want complete control over the viewing choices. This is what you need:





“Sure you can watch The Bachelor. Just grab the remote.”

It is disputed whether Thomas Hobbes or Sir Francis Bacon said, “knowledge is power.” While historians are still not sure who to attribute the quote to they are certain that it was originally stated in reference to the remote.

For complete control of your home’s TV I suggest staying with the remotes that came packaged with the components. It would also be advisable to toss a few other remotes on the pile as well. If possible, try to make sure that these extra remotes match the brand of at least one of your components. This will lead to near duplicates.

You should keep batteries in all of the remotes. Not only does this help with the subterfuge, but when the batteries finally die in the proper remotes, you don’t have to get up to get new batteries.

When your wife asks to watch something crappy the conversation should go something like this:

“There’s a show on that I know you’ll hate, can we watch it together?”

“Sure, hand me the remote.”

“Which one?”

“The black one.”

“They’re all black.”

“The really black one.”

That should just elicit a look. Press that button.

“The really black Magnavox one.”

“I don’t…”

“No, that’s for the DVD.”

“Is it…”

“That’s for the stereo. No, that’s the DVD remote again.”

“Which one is it?!”

“It’s the Magnavox one for the TV. The black one.”

As you have put several Magnavox remotes in the pile she will leave the room in frustration to go watch on the other TV. (Note: She will probably also throw a remote at you as she leaves the room – a small price to pay to watch the end of the Ninja Warrior marathon uninterrupted)

But, remember, women are not dumb, so you’ll want to rotate the actual working remotes with cheap replacements from Radio Shack every once in a while and disable the real remotes with dead batteries now and then (the fresh ones are right there when you need them, remember?) just to keep them guessing.

This method is kind of a pain though so I’d advise getting a Harmony as well and keeping it hidden.

- DWH
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