Crystal Roznik

I’m a sarcastic open-book-loud-too-much-information type of person that offers more advice than what I should be permitted to give. My husband is the quiet, peaceful type that rolls his eyes at me more and more each day. I have two small lady children I obsess over with all forms of social media. I have a huge fixation on pie and Mike Rowe. I design stuff for money, like this site. I pretend I can write and blog.

  • The Scariest Books We've Read

    It's October. The weather is getting cooler, the days are getting shorter and all basic cable programming has turned to grainy nightvision footage. Even Animal Planet. It's the second scariest time of year next to the last day of school. To celebrate we're going to share with you the scariest books we've ever read. Click the […]

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  • Leaving the Toilet Seat Up is Wrong

    You don’t drive around the street with the hood of your car up. You don’t leave the microwave open when cooking your Hot Pocket. After you grab a cold beer, you don’t leave the rest to get warm with the fridge ajar. And you don’t play your Xbox with the disc player open. Really, it’s […]

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  • Why Mel Brooks is wrong

    Dear Husbands, This may be the last time I write for DumbWhiteHusband.com. Today, I tell my fellow manly men writers that they are wrong about Mel Brooks, and then I go into hiding. Y’all are wrong about Mel being funny. You know what you get when you Google “hate Mel Brooks?” You get nothing — […]

  • Googling "How to Be a Man" is Wrong

    Dear husbands,Maybe you should try to not Google “how to be a man” or any other equivalent that would be considered a rite of passage into manhood.That statement now brings me to a furry animal (because it wouldn’t be the internet without a furry animal).My husband was recently faced with a problem that I didn’t […]

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  • Our Collection is Wrong

    Dear Husband: You are wrong about “the collection”After you move in with your beautiful, bright and shiny new wife and unpack your belongings, you become wrong — immediately. Women have spent our childhood dreaming of our home; we are hardwired for nesting and preparing the home. We have Pinterest boards, scrapbooks and magazines dedicated to “decorating […]

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  • Our Toenails Are Wrong

    Nope, nope, nope.That is exactly what I thought when I was trying to enjoy my shower after a long week of work and child rearing. I just stood there, mid-lather, and stared at the latest “tool” my dearest husband left out and didn’t bother to reshelve. But this wasn’t just any hammer, wrench or screwdriver […]

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  • Why We're Wrong Wednesday - The Last Piece of Pie

     Dear Husbands, Do NOT ever eat the last slice of pie.When we all get married there are spoken, written, and unspoken “rules” within the marriage. There’s the whole “in sickness and health” part spoken in front of God and family. Then, there’s the long-shot agreement, “Sure honey, you can have a pass if you get […]

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