Alex Kimmell

(the squirrel whisperer/twodoggarage/daddy not-so-much-bucks) is an accidental novelist, anti-rhyme-ologist, oxygen inhaler, carbon dioxide exhaler who often generates harmonious sounds with various instruments of different historical importance. his work has appeared on cool places around the 1’s and 0’s like Black Lantern Press, Front Row Lit, Dumb White Husband and The Wordcount Podcast. His novel “the Key to everything” and collection of short, horrific tales “A Chorus of Wolves” were released by Booktrope Publishing. come and join the neurosis at alexkimmell.com.
  • The Secret Life Of…My Laptop

    6:30 AM I can hear his alarm bleating upstairs. Followed by some sort of groan. Not sure if that was a fart (It probably was) The alarm’s off.   6:45 AM Alarm again. Louder groaning, complaining and cursing. LOTS of cursing. The alarm’s off again.   7:00 AM One more time. Come on dude…get out […]

  • Thanksgivocalypse or Apocagivinglypse or something like that

    Totally (un)Factual Menu Choices for the (sub)Greatest Family Holiday Get Together (N)EVER! *Names have not been changed to protect anybody since none of this crap is real APPETIZERS   Great Aunt Eliza’s Sweet BBQ Meatballs: Can’t serve these because George’s girlfriend Betsy is allergic to Paprika. If you leave out the Paprika everyone’s going to […]

  • A Cat Name Apocalypse

    In honor of Apocalypse month, here is an excerpt from my upcoming story, "A Cat Named Apocalypse." Does your Dad’s boss ever come over for dinner? Mine did last week. No wonder Dad’s always saying bad words about him. He didn’t say anything out loud, but he made that face. The one where his ears […]

  • A Broken Halloween

    Halloween is tomorrow. I love it. Not just because of the horror aspect of the holiday either. Of course I must admit, the candy is awesome. I have so many great memories from around this time of year. Trick or treating with my sister, getting to stay out after the street lights came on and […]

  • The Scariest Books We've Read

    It's October. The weather is getting cooler, the days are getting shorter and all basic cable programming has turned to grainy nightvision footage. Even Animal Planet. It's the second scariest time of year next to the last day of school. To celebrate we're going to share with you the scariest books we've ever read. Click the […]

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  • A Ponderance

    A Ponderance:(In which the Dad must relay thoughts upon bad behavior of his spawn and the validity of punishmental conundrums) What does One do when One discovers that One’s teenaged child has been misappropriating the truth and acting dubiously behind One’s backside? One might choose to journey through the behind property thickets for a thorny […]

  • Read or Be Stupid: Wolf in White Van

    Reading is important. It makes you less dumb, it improves your memory and it makes you less dumb. We want to encourage reading so we’ll be posting book reviews here from time to time. Check them out and read, or be stupid.  Review by Alex Kimmell Before I start on the book reviewingness, I’ve been […]

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  • Overheard in the Dugout

    If this conversation overheard in the dugout at last night’s game doesn't prove that I am father of the year, I don't know what will...  Kid 1    “I threw my arm out.” Minion “How?” - Minion  Kid 1     “With the ball. On that last play.”   Minion   “That sucks.” - Minion Kid 1     “Yeah. It […]

  • Friggin' hormones.

    Can we rewind to the toddler era please? After years of trial and error, my grand schemes in dealing with tantrums and attitudes and persnickety food choices and not wanting to go to bed were finally working. I could say “No” sometimes and not have everything devolve into WWIII.  Of course time refuses to cooperate […]

  • “What do you want to do on your birthday?” Says the wife. “Go to the comic book store.” Says I. “Really?” Says the wife. “Yup.” Says I. I’m standing in between the aisles of brightly colored spandex heroes and sharply fanged drooling jaws of alien monsters. In my hands are two trade paperback collections of […]

  • The Great Electric Vacation

    We’re packing to go away for a few days. We’re going to a family reunion out of state. It’s a five or six hour drive. If my memory serves me correctly, the back seat of my parent’s car, occupied by my older sister and I, descended into a danger zone of destruction worthy of the […]

  • D.I.Yep I'm an Idiot

    I climbed on the corner table. Short, and square, it fits perfectly between the couch and love seat. Exactly the right height for installing the new blackout blinds we brought home from the hardware store. Most afternoons, the sun beams directly through our westward facing windows. The temperature, brought down to comfortable levels during the […]

  • Weighing Comedic Merit vs Boobies

    Maybe I'm just the old guy looking back fondly, but it seems the greatest comedies came out in the 80's. Not just one or two but almost every classic funny movie hit around that decade. Yeah, I'm probably just playing the "kids these days" game but they really were the best. Alex seems to agree. -ben […]

  • Oddball in the side pocket

    Recently, my family took a weekend trip to New York City. Once unpacking of suitcases was complete and the where’s and hows of sleeping arrangements were established, the younger minion felt a powerful jones to go on a tour of the hotel. Since we don’t travel very often, and when we do we usually stay […]

  • Reading is Important

    We believe in the power of reading.That's why we're giving away free books and that's why we made this public service announcement. Please help spread this important message by sharing it with your friends, family, coworkers and anyone else you think should be less dumb. 

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  • Slenderman and real life monsters

    Typically DWH is a place where we try to keep things on the lighter side. Poke fun at the idiosyncrasies of our personal husbandy ways and foolish fatherhoodness.  With the tragic events of the past few days, my mind is steering me down a different path refusing to let go of those little girls in […]

  • Cheat Code for Broken Hearts

    Ok. I’m a big guy. Shaved head and a few tattoos. I typically look like I’m pissed off. Eyebrows furrowed, slight frown and my pale skin often flushes red over my face and scalp. I have been known to frighten people. I don’t mean to. I’m really a big softy. I googly talk to dogs […]

  • Father knows best?

    As predictable as the sunrise, one of the minions got himself in trouble the other day. As a family we were together watching some television and BOOM! It happened. I won’t delve into the details of his infraction, only to say that my wife and I were immensely displeased.I love my wife. More than life […]

  • Sleep Smarts

    I remember weekend mornings of childhood. Running down the long hallway into my parent’s room, wriggling under the covers, stuffing my little body into a nest of snoozie warmth. Rolling over feeling my elbow connect. Then a barking shout, covers thrown off and immediately shuffled back into my own cold lonely room. Confused and sad, […]

  • The Payback Spoon

    Whoever has OCD raise your hand…Not that high.A little lower.Now straighten your arm.More to the left.No. Not like that.Lock your elbow.No. No. No!Here… let me...On the One Hand:Yeah. I’m a bit crazed like that. Only about a few things though. Last night we picked up some medicine refills. My wife poured the remaining pills from […]

  • Curiosity Severely Bruised The Cat

    My brother-in-law passed out. Faceplanted on the delivery room floor. The nurses dragged him to the hallway and left him there, bleeding. At least until the happy event was complete. Me? I was tough. Muy macho. My heart rate barely climbed over its steady walking pace. I held my wife’s hand, rubbed her head and […]

  • I Battle With Pacifism

    I nearly went to jail the other day. Handcuffs trapping wrists together behind my back, stuffed in the squad car’s uncomfortable back seat, a half-drunk Judge’s gavel echoing between the courtroom walls. Law and Order clank of cell bars shutting me in for an extended visit.It almost would’ve been worth it too. Autistic kids have […]

  • V-Day

    Valentine’s Day sucks.I wrote a song under that title back in my single days. It was a catchy little ditty. No, I won’t force you to listen to my whining and annoying groans of heartbreak. But back then, it definitely did suck…and not in the fun way. I hid myself away from the constant barrage […]

  • Be More Awesome: Find a Cause

    I made one resolution this year and that was to be more awesome. This is one of the ways I intend to do that.  I’ve never had a cause. And, not in a cool James Dean kind of way. There’s just never been anything that I’ve really gotten behind.It’s not that I don’t care about stuff […]

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  • The Tiger Mother & Diet Mountain Fire Water

    Once upon a time there was a boy. This boy loved playing music. He loved playing music so much that he spent hours and hours every day practicing which annoyed the hell out of his older sister.Despite the very realistic threats of death and dismemberment she bore down upon him, the boy refused to relent. […]

  • Blue Tooth…the mullet of the future!

    I pushed the flat plastic seat. Arcing forward and up, backward and down, backward and up, forward and down. His laughter bounced across the neatly manicured park, over driveway parked Bentleys and Mercedes Benz’. Long hanging chains clinked over a layer of rust flaking over the hooks connecting swing to a-frame. Three small clouds took permanent, […]

  • Adventure in the L.A. Music Scene continued

    Adventures With Music Connection Magazine (or)How to Make Friends and Un-Influence PeoplePARTTHE SECONDSONIC YOUTH BOOBIES (or)PUNK ROCK & PIERCED NIPPLES OVER MULHULLAND BLVD.Alex continues the story of his search to find a band in L.A. You can read the first part here. True Story…The man who answered the door wasn’t who I expected. I pictured […]

  • vs the L.A. Music Scene

    Alex Kimmell has blogged here before, but now he joins us as a full fledged Dumb White Husband.   Alex Kimmell (the squirrel whisperer/twodoggarage/daddy not-so-much-bucks) is an accidental novelist, anti-rhyme-ologist, oxygen inhaler, carbon dioxide exhaler who often generates harmonious sounds with various instruments of different historical importance. his work has appeared on cool places around the […]

  • Saturday Sample:

    Today we're featuring a sample from The Key to Everything by Alex Kimmell. Alex has been dropping some fun stuff on you here for the last couple of weeks. Check out his book.Synopsis:Cracked and weathered binding, hiding mysteries on pages tied closed by a bloodstained string.  A happy young family enchanted by dreams and possibilities.  […]

  • Battle for Control: Round 1

    Author Alex Kimmel takes us to the front lines in the classic husband v wife confrontation. Battle for the remote. “Control. Control! You must learn control!” - Yoda Bath time is over, wet towels dripping and the bathroom floor drowning in soapy puddles. Dirty clothes thrown around the room, not quite in, but close enough […]