Well, that’s not really true. I think about stuff I want all the time. Somebody asked what I want for Father’s Day, so you know what? Here’s my list.
(And ladies, I guarantee you that if you come home with any of the items on this list, your dude will think you’re the coolest chick in the universe. I promise you that if you show him this list and he disagrees with anything on it it’s because he’s either already got it or he’s lying.)
First on the list is this kickass Viking Axe. GET IT HERE
“Why do you need a Viking Axe?”
Because Viking Axe. That’s why. I can fell a tree or smite a man, or I can just hang it up on my wall so when people come over I can show them my sweet Viking Axe. The uses are positively endless.
Now, I did wrestle with this one a bit because it’s sort of expensive. Like, you could buy two refrigerators and fill them both with beer for what this thing costs. But then I started to think. There’s this guy in the neighborhood who has a kegerator. I’ve met two people who know this guy and one of the first things they told me about this guy was that he has a kegerator.
“Hey, do you know John? On the corner? Yeah! Real nice guy. You should meet him. Has a kegerator!”
When two complete strangers describe a third complete stranger as someone I need to get to know because he “has a kegerator,” I start to wonder how many friends I don’t have because I don’t own a kegerator.
Oh yeah, and it keeps you beer cold too.
I really want this because I really love Calvin and Hobbes. GET IT HERE
This one has been on many lists for a long time. I don’t really know why. I have all the original books and all the collections. But for some reason, the desire to own this set overrules the fact that I already sort of do. Oh well, why fight it, right?
Next we have very expensive Storm Trooper Armor. GET IT HERE
Why the hell not? No, I asked you first.
Honey, if the Axe store happens to be out of sweet Viking Axes, you can always take me cage diving with great white sharks. GET IT HERE
I’ll change all of the diapers, do all the dishes, and put away all the laundry for a whole year if you get me this. I’m not lying.
Actually I was pretty much done but then I realized that I was getting hungry. Did you know that eBay sells steak? GET IT HERE
That’s a pretty good deal. It’s not a Viking Axe or a Cage Dive, but I’ll bet we could enjoy a steak before and after the dive, and I could even cut the steak with my axe. Why don’t you just throw it into the cart and we’ll have a steak dinner while I admire whichever of these sweet presents you got me.
Father’s Day is gonna rule.