June 2014

Dystopia Inc.

The stories of Dystopia Inc will explore the effects of corporate culture becoming national culture. Think Office Space meets 1984. I hope to release a new story every month. This is the first one. Welcome to the world of Dystopia IncThe future brought economic collapse. Opportunistic corporations snatched up the world’s nations at bargain prices […] Read more


The USA vs Futbol

Today is Thursday July 27th. For you, 12:00 PM (EST) will either mean “aw yeah, lunch time! Where’s my sammich and Little Debbie?” or “USA! USA! USA! Our country seems to have finally tipped from flirting with soccer to potentially, maybe, I dunno – possibly having a one-night stand with the game. That or “we […] Read more


Sub Prime: When I Was Leader Of The Autobots

Some readers may not be aware that I have two jobs: I work in advertising and I’m also a voice actor for things like cartoons and video games. This is one story where these jobs crossed paths. With a giant robot. As you may know, what with Mark Wahlberg dodging explosions every commercial break this […] Read more


“look, I’ve even brainwashed my kids!”

Advice from Paleo kids By Chloe and Camee, 5th grade students Ok kids! Don’t you hate it when your parents try to serve you healthy but disgusting Paleo foods? Well you don’t have to worry anymore. These 5th grade Paleo kids know what to do. We live with The Guy with No Shirt! Here are […] Read more


Garden 101: Perennials

Last year I pulled apart an old deck and used the lumber to make a couple raised garden beds in my backyard. I filled them with various plantings to see what would take and, well, year one was a disaster. At the same time I planted several other things around the yard in various beds […] Read more


Oddball in the side pocket

Recently, my family took a weekend trip to New York City. Once unpacking of suitcases was complete and the where’s and hows of sleeping arrangements were established, the younger minion felt a powerful jones to go on a tour of the hotel. Since we don’t travel very often, and when we do we usually stay […] Read more


The OTHER Cold Brew

NOTE: I know I generally tend to make comparisons between coffee and beer in my musings. And oftentimes I just happen to bring up beer for no particular reason (other than it’s awesome.) But despite the misleading title, I will NOT be mentioning beer in today’s column. Except for just now. Beer is delicious. When […] Read more


Generations and Technology

About 20 years ago my Dad bought my grandparents a microwave. Up to that point, my grandparents had been insisting that they really didn’t need one, the stove worked just fine. After they tried it out and loved it, they were hooked. They loved their new microwave. At the time I thought it was rude […] Read more


Have Snacks. Will Travel.

I was stopped at the elevator last week by one of our senior executives at the office as he pointed to my armload of grocery sacks filled with Tupperware containers. “You look like a homeless person,” he remarked. And, I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself as I left the office and actually saw a […] Read more


Keep Your Hands Off My K. Creek

I’m free with my booze and will let you wet your beak Unless you put your grimy hands on my Knob CreekAfter many travels, when I finally made it to Kentucky I was convinced that I would never leave. It’s a beautiful, laid back place where you can kick back and check out from the […] Read more


Father’s Day vs. Me Day

For me the general satirical theme of Dumb White Husband is that, in general, dads are oafs that just can’t seem to get things right. Society’s last punching bag to make fun of without any real recourse. It’s to the point where Father’s Day doesn’t even get its own sales event – “Celebrate Dads and […] Read more


Reading is Important

We believe in the power of reading. That’s why we’re giving away free books and that’s why we made this public service announcement. Please help spread this important message by sharing it with your friends, family, coworkers and anyone else you think should be less dumb. 


Kitten-Proof Gaming

Longtime readers of DWH know that I am most certainly a cat person. However, the recent adoption of a particularly curious and persistent kitten has made gaming a bit more… difficult. In the past, my cats always went after stuff on screen. Indy ruined the “Licker smashing through two-way mirror” scene in Resident Evil 2 […] Read more


Poke Yourself Out

We hauled out the family DVDs the other night and stepped back in time to watch the Lunalings as they were a decade ago. I was amazed at how happy they looked. They’ve always been cheerful kids, but unless we just didn’t capture the bad times (which we may not have) all we have is […] Read more


Brownie Points with Dad

This Sunday is Father’s Day. A big day around Dumb White Husband. Hello, surrounded by all these husbands. Yup, definitely a big day. And why not celebrate the big day with food? Oh yea, every man likes food. After all don’t they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?? But today […] Read more


What Fathers Really Want

Ah, Father’s Day. A day when a couple people ask you what you want or what you might want to do and the answer is almost always, “I don’t know.” or “Whatever.” Not that I’m down on the day or anything. I like any day where I’m the one being celebrated. It’s just that I […] Read more


Slenderman and real life monsters

Typically DWH is a place where we try to keep things on the lighter side. Poke fun at the idiosyncrasies of our personal husbandy ways and foolish fatherhoodness.  With the tragic events of the past few days, my mind is steering me down a different path refusing to let go of those little girls in […] Read more


Mug Down

Aw crap, did you guys know next Sunday is freaking FATHER’S DAY?!?!?! I myself would have completely forgotten if it weren’t for the fact that my wife has asked me EVERY STINKING DAY what I would like on ‘my special day’ for the past two weeks. And in honor of the Constitution of the Guy […] Read more


Let’s Protect Our Electronic Cat Database

There are many good ways to end the day, but one that ranks right up there is watching Netflix with your wife once the kids are in bed and pretending to be asleep. But Comcast, Verizon, and other US internet service companies think you aren’t paying enough to do that. Instead, they want to charge you TWICE […] Read more


Why can’t any of these diets be more livable?

Overheard at a restaurant one evening: “Why can’t any of these diets be more livable? There is nothing on my diet that even comes close to what I want to eat.” I’m not usually one to eavesdrop. Ok, maybe that’s a lie. I find other people pretty interesting, so I guess I consider eavesdropping sociological […] Read more