BRING AN EXTRA LOCK
My wife and I started going to the gym together. We're swimming laps for fun and fitness. Okay, mostly fitness. Going together is great and keeps us both motivated, but if I learned one thing it was to always bring an extra lock.
This was her first trip to the gym and she had no way to lock her gym bag up while we were in the pool. No problem, she decided, I could just put her bag in my locker. Her pink and teal bag.
So, I change and she changes and we meet outside of the locker room where she hands me her pink and teal gym bag. I walk back into the guys' locker room and stash it quick before someone sees that it's pink and teal.
I meet her back in the hallway to the pool where she has a sheepish look on her face. "I forgot my goggles in my bag." So I go back to get the goggles.
I open the locker and discretely search the outer pockets. Nothing. I realize I'm being silly so I pull the bag out and set it on the bench to find the goggles. Now I'm rooting through the pink and teal gym bag, digging in countless pockets looking for her swim goggles. Then it hits me, you know what else is in my wife's gym bag? Wife stuff: bras, panties and I don't know what else, but it's all in danger of erupting all over the mens' locker room like some perverts version of the old snakes in a can of mixed nuts prank.
I'll admit that I've never really been comfortable in a locker room. I may be more modest than the next guy. I'm definitely more modest than the old guy that uses the hair dryer to dry his junk. My goal is always get in, get changed, get out. But, now I'm stuck there, with a bunch of guys, digging through a pink bag full of women's underwear.
I found the goggles. And I think I got away without being spotted with the bag full of unmentionables. But I'm definitely getting her her own lock. And bringing a few extra of my own.
IT'S DUMB WHITE HUSBAND MOVIE NIGHT!
We're watching Lockout tonight. Join us.
THINGS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
• Pets are nothing like kids.
• We were very, very wrong to eat the last piece of pie.
• A sanctum can be almost anything.
• Superheroes are for grownups, too.
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