Guys don’t ask for help. That’s why we so often say, “hell” just before giving up on something. We realize we need to ask for help, but three quarters of the way through the word we remember we're not allowed to, so we stop and let the project go to hell. Sometimes we roll it into, “hell with it” just to throw everyone off the scent. That’s why there’s no “to” as a part of that phrase.
It’s how we were raised: an unmarred image of self-sufficiency first—actual accomplished goals, projects, jigsaw puzzles second.
It’s pretty amazing if you think about it, because it’s more than just abandoning the word "help" to damn things to hell. We’re able to abort almost any call for assistance in an instant and turn it into a nonchalant dismissal that shows exactly how few shits we give.
Here’s a quick key:
Help = hell or hell with it
Assistance please = Asshole or Ass bastard (one of my favorites)
Reach over and grab that switch/screwdriver/bottle of antiseptic = Rat bastard
Give me a hand = Shit head (you have to be on your toes to pull this one off)
Do you mind helping me? = Dickbastardsonofabitch
Catch me, the ladder was apparently unstable = Crap
Please call 911, I’ve apparently severed the finger I dial with = Fudge
It’s not right, it's just who we are.
Well, to hell with that.
Dumbwhitehusband.com is taking off faster than I would have ever imagined and I wanted to make sure that there was always great stuff waiting for you here. I’m pretty awesome at being dumb, but I can't do it all alone. So, I asked for help. And, I got it.
Steven Luna, author, twitter fiend and all around nice guy has joined us here at Dumb White Husband to help make it twice as dumb. He’ll be writing articles and working behind the scenes on master plans and secret blueprints and such to make this place even better.
Don't worry. The guy knows funny. I invite you to check out his bestselling book Joe Vampire, the most unTwilighty vampire book around. You should also read his previous post here, the Zen of Avoidance.
Still don’t believe me? Check him out on twitter @joevampireblog and quit being such a doubter. Seriously, you're making it weird for people.
Please help me welcome Steven Luna to the site. This is going to be a lot of fun.