Let’s face it. As grownups, we don’t have a lot of extra time on our hands. And if I’ve got two hours to spare I’d rather spend it napping than watching a movie that sucks. But, I’m willing to give any movie ten minutes to grab me.
10 Minutes of Edge of Tomorrow
Here’s what I knew about Edge of Tomorrow: Tom Cruise, Charlize Theron, power suits and the original story was called All You Need is Kill. I’m not really a Tom Cruise fan but his sci-fiction films have almost always presented the world of tomorrow in a very cool way. Despite hearing bad things about his last few movies, those that ventured to the theater seemed more than delightfully surprised. I wanted to catch this in the theatre but I have kids and they have things to do. When the movie came out this week I was really excited to see it still knowing only three things: Tom Cruise, Charlize Theron, power suits and All You Need is Kill. Oh and also that it’s Groundhog Day.
Here’s my review of the first ten minutes.
A series of news clips fills the opening telling us that 1) a meteor struck Europe, 2)it was the precursor to an alien invasion of Mimics and 3) that Hollywood really, really loves using news clips to fill us in on the background. The opening either does not tell us what year it is or I wasn’t paying attention. They do use contemporary world leaders (there’s even a shot of Hillary Clinton) and cover a span of 5 years up until the point where the United Defense Force has won it’s first victory of the war. But, it does not specify a year or whether or not Hillary was revealed to be an alien.
Tom Cruise is Major Cage (because it sounded tough). Through the news clips we see him as a guest on countless (or I could have counted them but I’m lazy) news programs extolling the virtues of the new super soldier power armor that led to the first human victory over the aliens (and possibly Hillary—again it wasn’t made clear) delivered at the hands of Rita, played by Emily Blunt. It was here that I realized Charlize Theron is not in this movie at all.
Thanks to his actions, millions enlist in the UDF and the army plans a major assault on Europe called Operation Downfall (or Operation Ruby Tuesday if your looking at the map in the General’s office (This is either a continuity error or the General was planning on going out for lunch). Major Cage (because heroes aren’t named Thompson) is called before the general who tells him that he will be joining the invasion for the news cameras.
Here we learn a few things: Despite being named Major Cage, Tom Cruise’s character is a giant wuss, he has served his role in the military only so he wouldn’t have to fight, he used to run an advertising agency so he’s inherently evil, and in the future we will have coat buttons that magically fasten themselves during a scene if the highly paid actor can’t capably dress himself (there is speculation that this technology already exists, but it is being closely guarded by the Scientologists).
Major “Coward” Cage tells the General he doesn’t want to go and even resorts to using his impressive advertising skills to destroy the general’s reputation. SO THEY TAZE HIS ASS, STRIP HIM OF HIS RANK, LABEL HIM A DESERTER AND PUT HIM IN A SQAUD AS PRIVATE CAGE because general’s don’t put up with that shit.
Best of all, Cage’s new Master Sergeant is Bill Paxton. And I was worried he wasn’t going to be in this movie. Paxton’s sole purpose in the film seems to be not putting up with Private Cage’s shit. Perfect.
That was the ten minute mark. But I peeked ahead and holy crap! Even though the Avatar storyline was a hippie fantasy piece of crap it cemented in my mind that no one did future military as good as James Cameron. Well move over Dances with Ferngully, because whoever directed Edge of Tomorrow is going to paint you like one of his French girls. It looks insane!
WILL YOU WATCH THE REST OF IT?
Yes. I can’t wait. Even if it sucks, my understanding is that I get to see Tom Cruise die a lot.
WHEN WILL YOU GET AROUND TO THAT?
Tonight. We’re going to make up some stupid excuse and send the kids to bed early.
WHAT IF I WANT TO WATCH IT BEFORE YOU CAN RUIN THE REST OF IT FOR ME?
You can watch it right now, right here.
This could do with some explaining. For some reason the DVD and downloads are being marketed as Live/Die/Repeat/Edge of Tomorrow instead of just Edge of Tomorrow—on the cover, on the file, on the screen. You may think you got some special edition or the mockbuster version but you can rest easy knowing you go the right movie. I’m not sure what happened. I’ve never seen the tagline for a movie supplant the title like that before but I know it wouldn’t have happened if Major Cage had be running the marketing department.
Enjoy the movie.
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